jehovahzwetness:

Gay marriage should be legal because gay divorce court shows would be fucking hilarious

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

f-romanoff-13:

agentdarcy:

friendly reminder that there’s a cut scene in Thor that while the Destroyer is blowing shit up, Darcy runs into the pet store to save all the animals and give them to people leaving the town

as things are being set on fire around her, she talks to the dog, telling him I  won’t let the big scary monster step on you,  and names it Baker

image

Why was this cut? I need that scene in the film!

fagtree:

so other than that, mrs. lincoln, how was the play

once a satanic sex god, always a satanic sex god.

retroactivebakeries:

fuckdanielmaitland:

There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language but I could never string any of them together to explain how incredible I think you are.

As an english major I will do you the favor of constructing the phrases “sexual supernova,” “hella dick,” and “oh gosh.”

restlesslyaspiring:

pearlsandink:

Men’s Rights Activists.

OH MY GOD THIS IS A PERFECT REPRESENTATION

daeneryus:

one day sansa stark is gonna get pushed too far and she’s just gonna fucking lose her shit and start screaming and killing people and singing i’m not your toy by la roux and later surrounded by dead bodies she’s gonna compose herself and be like “i’m so sorry, that was very unladylike wasn’t it”

downloading-new-emotion:

hermionespriorities:

Do you think Sirius ever ate Remus or James or Peter’s homework as a joke

yes

Isaac is not returning next season. That’s going to be a big surprise for a lot of people. (x)

indiandaughter:

ill pay u $7 to have a crush on me

This post is just a little something I put together to help you guys with Photoshop. This contains tutorials to help people just beginning with Photoshop, however if you don’t know the tutorials above then this should help you too. If you learn anything from this than my work paid off! If you want more of these make sure to follow me, as I’m going to post more to ensure 2014 is a quality Photoshop year! -  Samuel.